Brace yourself... This is going to be a long one.

I just need to rant.

I don't really know why I'm in such a bad mood lately. Everything is going so well in my life. I have a brand new job that I could not be more excited about, I have a new niece who is the most precious thing in the world, I have a husband who busts his butt for me on the daily, and yet I still feel frustrated with where I am right now.

My mantra these days is: 

You are neither ahead nor are you behind in life. 

You are living precisely how you are meant to live. 

You are right where you need to be.

And it helps. It is the most comforting pep talk I could give myself. 

I use to avoid going on Facebook like the plague earlier this summer. I would even try to stay off Twitter because I could not bear the pressure. I kept seeing all of my friends announcing engagements, marriages, pregnancies, babies, new jobs, and all of these wonderful things. And I do hate to sound bitter but I was. I wanted to have special announcements to show the world that I was doing something with my life. I wanted to show that I was successful and that even though I had married young, I was still achieving my goals and living a life to be proud of.

I knew I had worked hard through student teaching and through my substituting days. I fostered new relationships with faculty and staff at different schools, but I knew I wanted to be at the school I substitute taught at. The department was laid-back, fun, and truly cared about one another. It felt like home. 

Back in the fall (while I was student teaching) my friend who had graduated a semester earlier was long-term subbing for a woman who had gotten very sick. The department was always giving updates and organizing something for this woman. She was well-loved around the school, but these teachers were treating her as if she was a family members, like it was their responsibility. I loved feeling the care and bond that they all had with this woman. 

I knew that I was lucky to have an assignment with people who not only had a passion for teaching but also human beings.

When summer came, I knew that the only real position at that school that was up in the air was this lady's. I can't begin to tell you the amount of guilt I still feel about the whole situation. The principal delivered disability retirement papers to this woman at the beginning of June. I was hired soon after. The woman only held on for three weeks after that. I was told by another teacher (let's call her 'C') that once she was delivered the papers that she truly lost the will to continue fighting. I understand that C was passing information, and I would have been fine with that if she hadn't continued saying things like, "You could never fill her shoes, but we're happy to have you."

Like, what am I supposed to say to that? It's not like I knew this would happen or tried to make this happen! I struggled even explaining this to family and close friends when I got the job. I didn't think it was appropriate to show too much happiness or excitement. 

But fast forward to present day. When I went to school to grab supplies, set up my email, etc, I met with C and was shown my room. The room is bursting with supplies, resources, paperwork, and personal effects that were never picked up. At first I was told that I would be responsible for sorting through, cleaning out, and packaging personal effects up for her family since I was the one not only taking over her room but also in need of supplies over everyone else.

ME. AS IN SOMEONE WHO HAS NEVER MET THIS WOMAN. 

So, at first I was completely freaking out about this huge and sensitive responsibility. 

Then I met with C. 

C has decided that she will be the one in charge of this stuff. She has planned to come and take all of the stuff and compile it into a library of resources that the rest of the teachers will have to "check out" from a community location. In my mind, that's not a huge deal. If C doesn't want to share the stuff, then that's fine, I can figure out my own activities, assessments, and reviews (also every other teacher has shared his or her flashdrive with me, so I have plenty!). But when I shared this plan with another teacher in the department, she got angry saying that these ideas never worked and that it was unfair to take things from me.

Like I said, I'm not too worried. And it takes a burden off of me for having to deal with it.

The one thing I am worried about with this situation is the sheer amount of stuff that is in my classroom that has to be dealt with before I can start unloading mine. Even typing all of that out makes me feel guilty. I was supposed to be able to go into my classroom on August 17th, but as of right now I've been told that I can't get in until August 24th. A week difference might not seem like a lot, but that second week I will be doing orientations and meetings for new hires. Those usually last 8am-4pm. I will have to stay after every night to work, which isn't impossible and I can get things done, but it is stressing me out when I had planned to have a whole extra week. 

So in the next week, I have planned to plan as much as possible. I will be doing my powerpoints one day, bell ringers/exit slips the next day, then activities, and finally assessments. That should take up my whole week (and yes, I am aware that is incredibly ambitious, but I'll get done what I get done and it'll be more than if I never tried). All of this is for my first 6 units-- or September through January-ish. 

Then after that week, I'll pack up all my stuff and move into school on Monday.

Except for the face that I have meetings and orientations every morning-late afternoon.
But I'll just have to make it work.


Once I finally have time to get my classroom keys, I need to make sure all of the old teacher's stuff is moved out. I have to move all of my stuff in. I have to set up and come up with a theme and bulletin boards. I have to make sure all of my technology is working and send in any work orders. I have to actually plan and run copies (the usual teacher stuff). 
I also have to figure out IEPs, class changes, and Back-To-School Night stuff.
And eventually write my syllabus.


So I'm just feeling a little stressed out about that....


Zilla